Life.. life is good.. but from the wise words of my professor who deducted 10 points off my humanities paper due to the word usage of 'good', i'll try to refer to something other than 'good' since it is already burning in my sub-conscious that I've used it more than 3 times in a sentence.
Life is life. It's fast, quick, and unable to grasp. It is daytime one moment and in the blink of an eye, nighttime, and then morning the next. It is overwhelmingly joyful, yet peacefully lonely at times. Silence- it's a great concept & I've found that life is just flat out healthier when you can remain silent in the silence. Not only does my brain appreciate it, but I feel like life itself is much more appreciated by sitting back & reflecting on all the wonderful things God is doing at THIS VERY MOMENT. I honestly remember a time when I would constantly worry about tomorrow.. but it seems like today is occupying so much of my attention that I cannot afford to take my mind off the 'now' to worry about the future. Content- yes, a state that I've battled to accomplish for as long as I can remember.. even to the point where I would make myself believe that I was exactly this. Ha, what a fool I am. But that was then, & this is now.. and right now I'm more content than I have ever been and I know exactly why. One of the many reasons is because I finally realized that 'contentment' is not something achieved by oneself, but instead in the passenger seat of a trustworthy God who is in complete control of the wheel. Which brings me to my next thought..
I honestly have no clue what the heck God is doing with my life or where the heck i'm going... and the strange thing is.. I really don't want to know every detail or answer to my clueless direction. What I do know is at this exact moment, I am in the right place, right time, with the right purpose in mind. This is all the direction I need to know.. and the rest of it is just an adventure aka SUHWEEET! I'm so pumped about this teen mom ministry that is taking place & I honestly feel like I could have been a teen mom in my before life because my heart has never been so wrapped up/in love with human beings that I haven't even met yet! (note; I don't believe in before life but if I did, then i'm convinced of this theory). Its funny because it hasn't been the most pleasant road getting to this point in my life... but what I do know is that every incident that has happened in my life up until now had a divine purpose to equip me to work with these girls. Has it been painful? Yes, to the point that I thought I couldn't live anymore. But did I make it? Yes, by the grace of God in my life.. and the same grace that I know will change the hearts of these teen moms. It's a beautiful thing to take a moment & reflect on the amount of love I have for teen moms and then to realize that it's not from within, but from God. God's overwhelming love for these girls is so crazy/heavy that he has shared a teeny tiny piece of it this with me so that I can understand and be driven by his pursuit towards them.. a pursuit that is after their hearts. A pursuit that yearns for them to know Jesus Christ, to know the good news, and to know that they are loved even if every hand that has touched them has just resulted in pain, abandonment, or betrayal. They are loved- and I feel loved by God just at the experience of this love.
I'm gonna end it at that.
Also- this blog was super long only bc its been a while... but I'm definitely going to keep it up so it wont be as if you're reading a chapter book.
it's hard to be content, that's one thing i'm learning too.
ReplyDeletei love you, you're presh!