No-Mo-Emo

Romans 6:11
"In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus."

Before you read this blog, here are some pics to get an idea:















So yeah, there's always those jokes about "emo" kids, and I'll admit it, it's funny now but it wasn't funny when I was stuck in the funk. All the pictures above are literally what 99.9% of my pictures looked like before I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord & Saviour. You don't believe me? Well then call momma becerra & she will back that up 100%. I never smiled. It wasn't that I chose not to smile so I could put on some "act" and make people feel sorry for me, but simply because I didn't know how to genuinely smile. I was so unmotivated to get up in the morning and live another day that a simple act of smiling felt like too much effort. Dead is the best way to describe how I felt EVERY SINGLE DAY, and the funny thing is, it reflected outwardly and I didn't even know it. All I wanted to do was sleep and hope that when I woke up, things would be in a new light... but they never were. I was so numb to the point that I had to hurt myself physically in order to know that I still felt at all- even if it meant feeling physical pain. People would always stereotype these "people" as "attention seekers", but really, I was just seeking to feel alive... something that was completely out of my comprehension.

Laughing was annoying to me, smiling was ugly to me, bright colors were irritating to me and most importantly, people who talked about this Jesus "dude" were the most agitating/frustrating people to me. I hated the talk to love, and that is exactly how they described Jesus. It made me so angry that I would mimic them on purpose & complain to the principal about people bringing religion to school. Little did I know that Jesus was the answer that I needed- but instead, I kept pushing him away. The funny thing is, things just kept getting worse and I was literally at my final string.

I made God a deal at my first retreat & said that if this "Jesus" dude doesn't work, that I would just give up all together because I've HAD ENOUGH. Well, Jesus completely showed up and melted my heart like nothing ever before. I remember sobbing/crying/screaming uncontrollably because his presence was so overwhelming. It literally felt like he was coming in softening my rock heard heart. I felt light, free, and happy for the first time in a very verrry long time. I started laughing uncontrollably- literally, for about 30 minutes straight and kept saying things like "I love Jesus" & "This feels way better than drugs"! I was changed. And because I was changed inwardly, it showed outwardly.
When I came home, my mom literally remembered seeing my face & knowing that I had changed. I actually looked alive. I had expression, I had energy, I had motivation.. I had life. Below is a picture of how I looked the day after I got back:



big difference, huh? Thats what Jesus does, he transforms, he changes the heart, he brings life, he saves.

I don't know why, but lately I've just been so amazed at where God has brought me and what he has brought me through. It encourages me because it assures me that no matter what the future holds, he will always be the same.

"But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were DEAD in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ- by grace you have been saved- and raised up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Chris Jesus."
Ephesians 2:4-7